I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
