im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
