It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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