WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.