Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.