Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life