meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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