she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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