you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
