i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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