So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
