Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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