wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There are leaves in my underwear?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
