Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
