She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I pour the whiskey from now on
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
