he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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