she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
