I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
