Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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