Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
