And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
