I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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