Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
