someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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