one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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