the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
