8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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