Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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