I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
