went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
