I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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