I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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