I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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