i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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