Don't make out with my wife yet
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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