I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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