I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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