did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
