420 ftw
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
