Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
