Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Randomize
