I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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