please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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