I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
