why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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