somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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