Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
