i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
