I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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