then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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