Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's just like the Real World with babies
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
