Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
