saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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