totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
