My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
