Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
