Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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