so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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