wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
