I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
