Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
