**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
its not stalking. its research.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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