Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my shit smells like andre
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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