It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
