shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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