so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
