I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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