??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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