I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize