It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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