I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
