I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize