i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
