Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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