can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
