You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
